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Super people from the cornell summer college 05

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(no subject) [Aug. 7th, 2005|12:42 pm]
Super people from the cornell summer college 05

Hey guys. I was just editing the user intrests, and I was wondering what you want on there. I'm sure there are things I'm missing. Comment with ideas. and do you like the layout?
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(no subject) [Aug. 7th, 2005|12:51 am]
Super people from the cornell summer college 05

To my bulgarian babe and all others interested in the deep philosophies and intellectual stuff:

A great movie I saw earlier tonight:

I :heart: Huckabees

For philosophical madness, the ultimate truth, little infinity containing cubes and big red balls of pain and darkness, blow your minds with this.
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(no subject) [Aug. 6th, 2005|01:01 pm]
Super people from the cornell summer college 05

pics from saturdayCollapse )
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so, who finds it humorous [Aug. 4th, 2005|02:45 am]
Super people from the cornell summer college 05

[Current Music |Don, Aman-- Slint (spiderland)]

that out of the 7 or so people on the Juna's Open Mic Night mailing list, at least 3 are us?
Others might me us, too. But I don't know.
I miss cornell. I've missed you guys all along, but now I miss my class, and living with Blake, and ordering pizza at 1 am, and the pretty buildings, gorges...

It all just makes me want to go to Cornell more. Even though its the opposite of every other school I love. My college counselor will have a fit.

2 things to Ioanna:

I am coming to DC the weekend of... the 13th I think? Not -this- weekend, but the next one.
I dont' know when you'll be back, but... if you'll be back, reply, or call me, or something.

also: Did you know that (Professor) Bem went to Reed? He got his undergraduate degree in Physics from there.
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Pics, and lots of 'em [Aug. 2nd, 2005|10:38 pm]
Super people from the cornell summer college 05
Hey Everybody. I want you guys to be able to enjoy the pictures I took. Some of them are actually really nice and you all look great! So I have way too many to put in this journal, so to make it easier I'm going to give you my photobucket album link. Take this and just go there on your own time and flip through it. There's lots of stuff, and actually some photos I took when I was at MOMA in New York after Cornell. Enjoy!!!

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here's a nice pic [Aug. 3rd, 2005|01:32 am]
Super people from the cornell summer college 05

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
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hair and lesbians [Aug. 1st, 2005|09:26 pm]
Super people from the cornell summer college 05

[Current Mood |confusedconfused]

My hair's really soft today. Does this mean I'm becoming a lesbian? ;)
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oh, how i love you so... [Aug. 2nd, 2005|11:41 pm]
Super people from the cornell summer college 05
hello hello,
i am overjoyed to hear from you all. honestly i needed that.
now everything is adopting its familiar shapes and visions. although they are all like ~ghosts of half-formed hopes~ [dickens...he's my best buddy here]

although i do miss my thoughts sometimes. I miss English. Never have I longed to find
someone speaking English. I realized English is my little baby, a language I've
struggled to master and now is my dear achievement. Never have I felt so powerfully
that I do indeed lead two lives. Each with a different set of characteristics, ideas,
notions, possibilities. when speaking in Bulgarian, I am keenly aware that I miss
a great part of myself. I guess, it must be so the other way around as well and
yet I already learned how to integrate that.language makes all the difference and I am
stuck in a language warp.
I speak in Bulgarian cause I have to and yet I feel better thinking in English.
And yet when I think-for-speaking I have to think in Bulgarian and therefore cannot
express myself well at all. its kind of horrible I miss what has always been so dear
to me - my own thoughts. They often seem literally lost in empty space between
languages. Being bilingual can be a pain in the ass for, you know, I need to write in
some language and none of them is complete.

mine is the city of graffiti, btw, for at least the young ppl still seek a mode of expression.
Some can never find it and end up with schizophrenia in my department. Yeah, mine
he he. It belongs to the crazy hearts. It's the psychiatry of course and every
single one of the staff has been hurt at one time or another. And yet I don't
know if I am blind, or I truly transform ppl because i've talked to most of the
patients there and they all love me. Its true they are chaotic, neurotic, psychotic
and all those fancy words. And yet they are all people who wont mind a smile and
a friendly hand. Of course, I am truly not doing anything for they are heavy drugged
and once the medication wears off they will probably be ready to kill me. One of
them came crazily neurotic and tried to escape a million times. How many times he
strangled me in his thinking I can only guess. You could see it in his eyes, he
was horrified as if his logic thoughts had been buried under sees of fear. What
was going on his head I am scared to even imagine. I could only wish him less locked
doors, cursing nurses and shots of tranquilizers.

beyond that, i keep spinning.
thank you sandra for reminding me of one of my favorite notions. how are you doing??? jung and all the philosophizing... i am down to my practical side currently ;)
dan, baby, i am gonna come to charlotte! it'd suit me well i suppose. like a bubble wrap ;]

sarah, scott...are you still there? if so, pls. watch the sunset more often. i miss it. it was soo beautiful. and roll down the hill. and see the stars if you have the time. and get more condoms from sarah's secret place (no, not under her pillow, the actual place ;) ah, please, do have a mighty time.
i guess i should read your livejournals to find out what's going on but internet time's scarce here.

p.s. we do need a reunion! someone bring Landon's part of Canada closer! om...
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(no subject) [Aug. 1st, 2005|12:40 pm]
Super people from the cornell summer college 05

Okay, so after the whole ashley being accused of robbery, me being accused of ashley sleeping in my room without forms apparently they decided to read my live journal for evidence. which i have to say creeped me out a little. though im not really surprised. it was funny, sara was like "you should really make things like that friends only" and i was like "why so that i can then lie about it?" i was amused at her essentially telling me, if you are going to go somthing illegal make sure to cover up after yourself. but on the other hand i was a little anoyed that she jsut assumed i would lie about it. everyone alaways assumes teenagers lie about everything. it pisses me off, but i guess thats more at the people who lie and perpetuate the sterotype. but anyway, i was writing here more as a "warning" than anything else.

don't post anything you don't want "them" reading, unless its friends only or private. esspecially in the community because i think thats how they found mine.

the whole thing has just been so annoying. im glad its almost over.
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madness takes its hold [Jul. 31st, 2005|11:50 pm]
Super people from the cornell summer college 05
[Current Music |that wild rabbit again]

hey everyone,
my life has changed in unbelievable ways for the past month.
cornell was a dream. bulgaria is hell. a weird, intensely miserable hell.
you have no idea how strange it is. people curse at you on the street for no reason.
the mafia guys kill people for no reason and corrupted cops blew up a two-year-old
kid in an attempt to blackmail an infamous mafia guy. and they never did. no one
ever gets anywhere here. i saw a cat get run over by a car on the street the other
way. it barely made its way to the curb before it bled to death. i stared there
watching. a man jerked off on the bus stop. i stayed there watching. one of my friend's
friend got hit by a tram. i stayed there watching. the ambulance barely made it
on time. i couldnt cry. its unreal. its like a gigantic bubble of thick smoke. cigarette
smoke. no one gets out. some attempt to burn holes out of their clouds. one of my
friends kept drinking while burning holes on the plastic wrapper of her cigaratte
box. they smoke, drink, sleep around and burn out soooo young. "my friends"
(or at least the kids who were once my best friends) are in some realm beyond despair
and pain. the great indifference or Hemingway's champagne disillusionment. except
that here champagne is too expensive, a bottle of vodka would always do it. the
marijuana is everewhere, and so are the injections and old spoons that druggies
use to inject heroin. until they get to the point that they need to steal. how desperate
were those boys that broke into my building's basement, looking for what? a century
old cases of beer, wine, or spider webs of lost dreams. its all a giant hole, burnt
by the sun.

i've almost given up my inspirations to go to the country side, find the beautiful
velleys of roses, forests and hidden waterfalls. i am no longer sure they even exist.
the same way that my old friends dont exist. its a funny concept. how i keep dreaming
of being with people who are really no longer there. they've changed and are forever
gone. it takes an unbelievable will of mind to cheer some of them. i am not sure
that had i lived here i would have found a reason to continue living. there was
an epidemic a week before i came because the garbage collecters collectors could
not collect the trash. the old places for the dispossal were overflowing and no
one knew what to do. the streets were full of garbage. it had been the heaven of
stray dogs and homeless bums. until the smell came. they say the whole city was
stinking and people refused to go out of their homes. hope they wont get buried
alive. fortunately, not many of them did since the city officials solve the problem
after hundreds of rats took over the parliament. and so it goes on, forever. the
cycle of life.

they wont let me to go around the country side alone. i'd probably get raped and
killed on the first corner. there are gypsies everywhere, i was warned the first
day. hold on to your bags for they love to cut them in half and collect the wallets
and cameras that fall crashing on the ground. they live in the ghettos for the government
cannot pay for the food in the prisons. i did not even realize that my country is
plagued by racism and outright discrimination until the recent elections for parliament.
it all started a month ago when some more corruped cops started a fight between
"bulgarians" and "gypsies" (for the gypsies are no less bulgarians
than i am) in a beer bottle factory. on the next day the same cops reported that
the growing gypsy population is a plague to "the pure bulgarian society".
a week later they entered the elections under the newly formed fascist party, called
"the attack", which won 20% of all votes on the basis that they wish to
see all gypsies, muslims, or other racial minorities (gays and lesbians probably
will be included in the future) locked up in "work camps". we'd never
enter the EU. they are the second most popular party in bulgaria, only behind the
enthic party led by the muslim and gypsy population. isnt it great?! they are cold
blood enemies and have to enter a coallition. they'd rather kill each other. this
they'll do without further ado. leaving the people to the roaches and mice.

so, hm, welcome to my hell. isnt it ironic. i am stranger wherever i go. in the
states, i am bulgarian. here they stare at me weirdly in the street, as if i hide
the anwers to their haunting questions. they read it in my eyes: i am a stranger
in my own land.

i seem to be at home only in the sky. in those airplane flights. miles over the

hey dan,
guess what. i saw requiem for a dream and loved it of couse. it is depressing but so are most of the movies i love. there is some particular sort of beauty in the mother's hallucinations and Harry's amputated arm. i cried for the girl, i did. it reminds me too much of some of the people here. actually the whole movie fits in perfectly with my current moods. and so does Dickens in a weird sense. miss you, dan. here no one get my psycho theories.

i am sorry for troubling you guys with all that about Bulgaria. actually, you better know, for that's who i am. And yet the more ppl stare at me, the more I am convinced that they need me and the more I try. The more they suffer, the more i cry and the more I love them. My masochistic tendencies show well in
a world of sadism.

Oh, dear, the cracks between things fill in my missing thoughts.
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